to elaborate on "the man who didn't believe in love" excerpt. that is what i'm afraid of. i used to be the one who loved more, gave more, needed more. as of yesterday i'm in a relationship again for the first time in over a year, and bk is wonderful. let's talk about patience. i don't want to be anyone's addiction, anyone's happiness. and i don't want to be addicted to anyone, or rest my happiness, my "star" in anyone's hands. people do make me smile, and make me happy of course, but that happiness needs to come from myself first. and to a certain extent it does.....there's that catch-all " to a certain extent" isn't everything that way? there's always a punchline at the end, a "you're really great but..." or " on the other hand...." " some complications may occur," "some side effects may be mild or severe, whether you like it or not" sort of thing. the whole concept of love has made me weary, cynical, and for a brief period of time, bitter. i guess i'm just jaded, but here i go, giving it another whirl. i'm using a lot of quotations in here, and i'm sorry if i've confused anyone, although i believe i'm quite straightforward. anyway, beside that initial hesitance, after three attempts, i took the plunge and said yes, so here's to not being single anymore? i dont know, it's beginning to grow on me. i really don't know if anyone even reads this thing anyway, it helps me though....
a collection of thoughts
to do and to do nots
have you praisin the lord like thankya thankya thankya
i'm gonna drink some more coffee and start cleaning
poo
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